Charles Is Trying to Involve Me With Something I Don't Understand

If ever a cat was inscrutable, Charles is that inscrutable cat. He may not even be a cat. He's been getting progressively more and more into some activities that make me uncomfortable. For example, he's developed a disturbing habit of crawling onto my lap, bending over, and staring at me with the single eye of his asshole. I don't know which gaze is the more sociopathic, that of his face or his ass. What does he want from me? Whatever the case, it's too late to put a stop to it, because he's intimidated me into pretending like it's normal. Now we go through this horrible charade every time I sit down to read. Awful.